Changes

The 2009/2010 year has been chocked full of changes of for me. Now, typically, I adapt to change pretty easily and actually welcome change. I definitely embrace change if its going to induce efficiency, productivity, and structure. I venture to say that theseall these changes have not included the fore mentioned attributes. So, I press on. I guess I am just writing more for me to "air out" my feelings. You see, I didn't realize how many changes I have gone through since 2009 until I looked at my calendar and thought, hmm we're almost half way through 2010!! Really?! What have I been doing?

First, I rang in 2009 finding out that we were going to add another child to our family. We were blessed with another sweet boy. So, pretty much all of 2009 involved changed. Nine months of watching my body change(more on that later), newborn schedule change, family dynamics change, and just adjusting to having TWO children now. Because of our new addition, we decided that I would scale down my time at work. So, now, I only work two days a week. A big change for me.

Another change that is occurring in my life is that I am not part of my women's bible study. I love these ladies and I love the accountability I had when delving into the word with them. Not to mention the power of praying together. You really bond with people when you become real and share some of life's toughest problems with one another. I haven't been able to attend the last two studies because the hubby has a job that requires him to be away in the evenings and I work every other Thursday which is the night that it is held. Since this "change" I feel so disconnected from these ladies and it just hurts my heart to not be in fellowship with them.

As I stated earlier, I went from working three days+ a week down to two days and that has been a HUGE change for me. At first, I thought it was going to be great. I envisioned lots of play dates with my son's friends whose mommies stayed at home, wonderful crafts we would create, lunch dates with Daddy, home cooked meals every night, a clean house, and a more organized me! Well, actually what I discovered was lonliness, not just for me, but Coen as well. The first couple of months after Caden's birth, was a whirlwind of diaper changes, feedings, naps, schedules that I hardly found time to even shower. All the while, poor Coen was hanging out with me and his brother. I can count on one hand the actual play dates he has had. I did not realize how isolated I would feel "staying at home" I didn't realize how isolated Coen would be with me "staying at home". We actually have tasked some great crafts, and that makes me feel accomplished. The lunch dates with Daddy were pretty frequent during the fall, but now, I can't remember our last lunch date with him. Home cooked meals every night, a clean house, and a more organized me...well, I'm working on it. We eat in most evenings and I love mealtime now that Caden is old enough to sit in his high chair and join in our family time. I am realizing that I am the most important part of childrens' lives right now and no amount of play dates could take the place of that.

A few weeks ago, we found out that my mom has breast cancer. She will undergo surgery on Friday and then have six weeks of radiation therapy. My change here is that now, I am experiencing role reversal. Somehow, I thought this would come later in life. But, here I am, preparing my mom and myself as her care taker for a major surgery, recovery, and treatment. Doctor visits, xrays, research, my head is spinning from all the medical data that I have looked up regarding my mom's condition. And, even though I work in the medical field, I am always amazed at how we continue to advance in technology and pharmacology. It really gives you hope. But I know where our REAL hope lies.

So, with all these changes, the biggest change that I realized that has occurred in my life is that I have had to be a "BIG GIRL" and accept things for the way they are. I had to relinquish my fantasy world and grab onto reality. Life is busy, life is slow; life is stagnate, life is sporadic; life is healthy, life is fragile. So as I embrace change...I embrace life.